It's snowing outside, so school was canceled. I have literally been in the bed all day.
It's not been a good start to the New Year for me. I took yet another negative pregnancy test on New Years Day, and saying that I'm discouraged or disappointed would be a huge understatement. We've been trying for over a year (since Sept 2008) to have a baby, and we finally got pregnant in July 2009, only to have a miscarriage. We had taken a couple of months off from trying before then, and were so, so excited that I had finally gotten pregnant. I was devastated when I didn't see that heartbeat at my first ultrasound.
Since I had to have a D&C after the miscarriage, we had to wait three months before we could try again. So December was our first try. I really, really thought that I'd get pregnant right away after our three cycle wait. Everyone, including our OB told us that you're more fertile after a miscarriage, but I guess that's not true for us. We thought we'd figured it all out.
I have gone back and forth about blogging about this, but I'm the kind of person who feels like I need to just get it all out on the table. It makes me feel a little better to talk about it.
I know that God has a plan for us, and that we will get our miracle baby in His time, but I'm having some serious struggles with waiting. I also know that there are people who've waited a lot longer than we have, but that doesn't make me feel better. It just makes me feel even worse for those women.
At the end of the day, I still have hope. I know in my heart that I am meant to be a mother. I just wish it would happen a little sooner, and cause me a little less heartache.