Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Sad Snow Day...

It's snowing outside, so school was canceled.  I have literally been in the bed all day.

It's not been a good start to the New Year for me.  I took yet another negative pregnancy test on New Years Day, and saying that I'm discouraged or disappointed would be a huge understatement.  We've been trying for over a year (since Sept 2008) to have a baby, and we finally got pregnant in July 2009, only to have a miscarriage.  We had taken a couple of months off from trying before then, and were so, so excited that I had finally gotten pregnant. I was devastated when I didn't see that heartbeat at my first ultrasound.

Since I had to have a D&C after the miscarriage, we had to wait three months before we could try again.  So December was our first try.  I really, really thought that I'd get pregnant right away after our three cycle wait.  Everyone, including our OB told us that you're more fertile after a miscarriage, but I guess that's not true for us.  We thought we'd figured it all out.

I have gone back and forth about blogging about this, but I'm the kind of person who feels like I need to just get it all out on the table.  It makes me feel a little better to talk about it.

I know that God has a plan for us, and that we will get our miracle baby in His time, but I'm having some serious struggles with waiting.  I also know that there are people who've waited a lot longer than we have, but that doesn't make me feel better.  It just makes me feel even worse for those women.

At the end of the day, I still have hope.  I know in my heart that I am meant to be a mother.  I just wish it would happen a little sooner, and cause me a little less heartache. 

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